How do couples manage disagreement over sexual desire?
People differ significantly in the degree of sexual desire as escorts claim. What strategies do couples use to negotiate differences in their sexual desire?
There is nothing conventional about sex in relationships, nor do we need to focus on average studies because it blurs the great diversity of human sexual experience. Thus, we lose the meaning, if, for example, we wonder how often couples “should” have sex.
While some people think that having sex once or twice a month is enough to make a connection with their partner, others need it daily or even more often. In other words, people differ significantly in the degree of sexual desire.
Also, even on an individual level, we may experience differences in sexual desire. Some days we feel an ardent need for sex, while other days not so much. And there are those days when we have no appetite for sex. This wide variety of differences, both between partners and on an individual level, is the only normal thing about sexual desire.
What strategies do couples use to negotiate?
Based on these differences, it is inevitable for couples to experience disagreement in sexual desire. In fact, this is one of the most common reasons couples seek couple treatment. However, with or without help, couples find ways to negotiate differences in their sexual desire, although some of them tend to be more satisfied.
To clarify this issue, Athens escorts asked 229 adults in a stable relationship to describe the strategies they use to deal with sexual dysfunction.
Initially, partners responded to questionnaires that aimed to assess their overall levels of sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, and sexual desire. The escort girls found no gender differences in sexual and relational satisfaction. However, men reported higher levels of sexual desire than their partners, which is consistent with the previous questionnaire.
Sex partners were then asked to report the strategies they use to negotiate differences in sexual desire with their partners. They also rated how satisfied they were with each strategy they use. This was an open-ended question, as the escorts in Athens wanted to gather as many strategies as possible.
The call girls then conducted a content analysis, based on which they were able to group all the strategies mentioned in five areas and which were categorized based on the level of sexual activity they involved. It is important to note that for questionnaire purposes, “sex” was defined as intercourse. The following are the findings of the questionnaire:
The partner with the lowest sexual desire rejects the other partner’s attempts for sexual intercourse or even complains about them, while the partner with the highest sexual desire either gives up or directs his thoughts to non-sexual activities such as exercise or hobbies.
While 11% of Athens ladies reported distancing themselves from their partners, only 9% of them considered it a strategy that led to satisfactory results. Of all the strategies for managing differences in sexual desire, distancing is by far the least helpful. It also tends to cause significant problems in the relationship in the long run.
The couple discusses the reasons for the disagreement regarding the sexual experience and tries to find a compromise solution, such as planning sex for another moment. Only 11% of respondents said they used this strategy, but 57% said it had proven useful.
Couples bond more when they can communicate openly and honestly their feelings and desires and may also be able to resolve their differences by doing so.
However, trying to communicate can lead to frustration if the partners become defensive or do not feel comfortable talking about sexual problems.
Engaging in activities without a partner
This category included activities such as masturbating, watching pornography, and reading romance or romance novels.
About 27% of respondents viewed sexual rejection in this way, and about 46% of them considered it a useful strategy. Indeed, more than half of the participants cited masturbation as one of the strategies they use, even if it was not the approach they often used.
As a temporary solution to the temporary mismatch in sexual desire, self-stimulation was cited as a pretty good solution. However, feelings of bitterness are likely to arise when a partner feels that this is the only way to satisfy his or her sexual needs.
Engaging in joint activities
These include activities such as cuddling, massage, and showering together that may or may not lead to sex. Alternatively, the partner with the lowest desire may offer a different sexual activity, such as masturbation or oral sex. More than a third of partners (38%) said they used this approach, while 54% of them said it led to satisfactory results.
Even non-sexual activities, such as cooking a meal together or holding hands while walking in the park, are important bonding experiences that can unite couples and help the partner with the least desire to regain sexual interest in the other half.
Participation in sexual activity, whatever it is
In some couples, the partner with the lowest sexual desire may offer a “quick intercourse” instead of “normal sex“. Some people give in to sex even if they are not in the mood and often get irritated during the process.
Partners who reported using this approach expressed their belief in the importance of sex in a relationship and their desire to meet the needs of their partner. Although only 14% of respondents said they used this approach, 58% said they were happy with the results.
This questionnaire shows that couples use a variety of strategies to deal with differences in their sexual desires and that each of them can be quite effective in solving the problem.
The only exception is distancing, which is detrimental to the relationship, especially when it becomes common practice. If you find that you are rejecting your partner’s approaches, you need to communicate the reasons for your lack of interest and offer your partner non-sexual alternatives for connection.
You also need to be open to the possibility that your sexual desire will return as soon as your other emotional and relationship needs are met.
Similarly, if you find that your sexual approaches are interrupted on a repetitive basis, you need to open a channel of communication with your partner, not cut him off.
In addition, it is important to keep in mind that listening is much more important than talking if you want to understand where your partner’s behavior comes from. As you meet his other needs, you may find that he approaches you more sexually.